From: Germaine Lee
To: Ong Yi Peng
Sent: 09 May 2001 23:39
Subject: Application for Position as Wedding Slave
Dear Ms Ong,
Greetings. My name is Germaine Lee and I am a 20 year old student
currently involved in undergraduate studies. I happened to chance
upon your (and your fiance's) charming website and must confess that
i am intensely captivated by your log book and candid wedding shots.
They smack thickly of creativity, taste and passion, something i find
so lacking in most affairs today.
As such, i am writing to find out if i could be of any service and
i mean ANY service, (for i'd be happy to do anyhting from mopping
the sweat of your brows to extorting more ang pow money from your
guests) in the days that lead up to your wedding. My previous working
experience include slogging as a junior secretary in a law firm for
a brief period of time. I think you would find my working style most
suitable to your demands as I noticed that you are a lawyer yourself.
It would be an honour and i am sure that i would be gratified in more
ways than one.
I would be delighted to meet you in person if necessary, so we could
come up with more detailed terms for my enslavement contract. In the
meantime, let me wish you and your fiance well. please do not restrain
yourself if you do decide to exploit me.
Yours Sincerely,
Germaine Lee.
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From: "Ong Yi Peng"
To: Germaine Lee
Subject: FW: Application for Position as Wedding Slave
Date: Thu, 10 May 2001 09:58:43 +0800
Dear Ms Lee
Thank you for your enquiry. You come with extremely impressive credentials.
I especially like the fact that you are able to "extort more angpows"
from my guests.
Whilst we do not have any vacancies at the moment, I am quite willing
to create a position of "Chief Red Revenue" for you. Your job scope
would be to extort more ang pows (you have to be careful here, more
ang pows does not necessary mean more money! So you will also have
to ensure that the ang pows come with more money!). However, you will
also be expected to carry out such duties that may be assigned to
you at any time and from time to time. I must add that as our positions
are full and that we will be creating a special position for you,
your compensation for work done will be peanuts. However, before I
recruit anyone, I would like to have a face to face interview with
you. Would you be free for a lunch interview either today or tomorrow?
The interview will be conducted by myself as well as one or two of
my colleagues.
During the interview, you will be tested on your wedding related skills
such as rescuing a drooping corsage, cleaning a white gown stained
with port and handling difficult and stingy guests (to test your ang
pow extortion skills).
By the way, thank you for your lovely compliments on our website.
I must confess I did not do much at all and all the credit should
really go to my fiance.
Well, please let me know as soon as possible when you can come down
for an interview. The interview will be conducted at my office address
set out below.
I look forward to meeting you.
Yours sincerely,
Ong Yi Peng
=============================================
From: Timothy Tan
To: Germaine Lee
Subject: RE: Application for Position as Wedding Slave
Date: Thu, 10 May 2001 12:26:59 +0800
Dear Ms Lee,
It has come to my attention that you wish to be considered for the
specially created post of "Chief Red Revenue" officer. In this capacity,
you would be resposible for extracting larger, fatter and more lucrative
angbaos.
I am writing to you to ensure that you understand that, your job scope
encompasses the GUESTS only, and under no circumstances, should you
undertake or pursue any course of action where you try to do the same
to the GROOM, for example, at the traditional and largely ceremonial
"locking of the front door" at the bride's home on the morning of
the wedding.
I must warn you that failure to adhere to stipulated conditions as
set out in the previous paragraph shall result in the swift application
of my veto powers with respect to your application as Wedding Slave.
Please submit written undertaking to effect. Thank you.
Regards,
Timothy Tan
Office of the Fiance
=============================================
From: "Germaine Lee"
To: Timothy Tan, Ong Yi Peng
Subject: RE: Application for Position as Wedding Slave
Date: Thu, 10 May 2001 05:35:50 -0000
Dear Ms Ong and Mr Tan,
Thank you for your swift and enthusiastic replies. I would be glad
to take on the position of "red revenue officer" that ms ong has so
kindly offered. Although the interview process indeed sounds perilous,
i must say i enjoy a good challenge especially one that tests my super-corsage-resuscitation
reflexes. I would be able to make it for a lunch interview on the
morrow as suggested by Ms Ong, and will call the most esteemed Ms
Low to make an appointment tomorrow.
Side note to Mr Tan:
Though i admitedly admire your enormous talent that has contributed
to the beautiful website, i recognise that my allegiance is ultimately
to the bride. I would carry out my duties as stipulated in the contract.
Since i do not dictate the contractual terms, i suggest you toss it
out with Ms Ong in private if necessary. I would not wish to cause
any grievous harm to you.
Dear sir, IF it can be helped. My sympathies are with you.
Regards,
Germaine Lee.
=============================================
From: Margaret Law
Sent: 10 May 2001 17:41
To: Ong Yi Peng
Subject: RE:FW: Application for Position as Wedding Slave
Dear Ms Ong
I write in application of the same position.
I may not have credentials half as impressive as Ms Lee's but I do
have prior experience in creating panic for bridegrooms and this,
I'm sure, is a much sought after skill (by all who want to have a
good laugh)on a wedding day. The last panic job I did (with the assistance
of one Ms Ong who didn't even know who she was sabotaging) involved
the swopping of the actual wedding car for the now de-commissioned
Rocky the Romeo. It created so much panic for the groom and his aunt
that the family couldn't stop talking about it and the bride couldn't
stop kicking herself for having missed the fun.
Please note the confidential nature of this application and under
no circumstances should the groom have any part in deciding whether
I should be hired. In the unlikely (or should I say very likely) event
that the groom gets wind of this, as a one-off promotional offer,
I shall be happy to extend my services to you on your wedding day
free of charge.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely
Yew Karnstop Mee
=============================================
From: "Ong Yi Peng"
To: Margaret Law
Subject: RE: FW: Application for Position as Wedding Slave
Date: Thu, 10 May 2001 18:07:03 +0800
Dear Ms Mee,
Thank you for your application.
Your credentials are well suited for the position of "Sabo Queen"
and not "Wedding Slave". As such, it is with great regret that we
inform you that we currently do not have positions available for "Sabo
Queen". Our present requirements are for wedding support staffs such
as "Ang Pow Extorters" aka "Red Revenue Officers", general "Wedding
Slaves (to the bride and groom)" and "Wedding Video Presentation Co-ordinator".
However, we would like to put your records on our file in the event
that the position of "Wedding Sabo Queen" becomes available in the
future.
I would however, be please to consider accepting your one-off offer
of a free of charge wedding slave. I would usually like to meet my
new slaves prior to recruiting them. However, I will make an exception
in your case as I understand that you are residing in Hong Kong. Instead
of an interview, please send me a video of you decorating a bridal
pony (I am considering travelling by Pony Express on that day). For
your information, I reserve the right to submit your video to America's
Funniest Home Videos. I would however, share any prizes, earnings
and other benefits in relation to such submission with you.
Yours sincerely
Ong Yi Peng
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